Slay the dragon of disillusionment

http://psychopathsandlove.com/reclaim-your-power-by-re-framing-trauma/#more-7930

 I cannot find the author of this poem, it isn't mine but god is it perfect! Dear Doc-

Dear Love Faker

Dear Reputation Taker

Dear Defamation Maker

I’m still here!

Dear Soul Sucker

Dear Other Woman Fucker

Dear Responsibility Ducker

I’m still here!

Dear Karmas comin soon

Dear Crazy as a loon

Dear guy who cheats every noon

Im still here!

Dear Pretend to be good Dad

Dear Soul you never had

Dear Everyone knows your Bad

I’m still here!

Dear Woman User

Dear Legal System Abuser

Dear Romantic Loser

I’m still here!

Dear Pathological Liar

Dear Relationship Denier

Dear Sit in church with me Crocodile Crier

I’m still here!

Dear Identity Stealer

Dear Mind Game Dealer

Dear No Empathy feeler

I’m still here!

Dear multiple affair cheater

Dear misogynistic woman beater

Dear one ball having creeper

Im still here!

Dear Creator of Confusion

Dear Master of Illusion

Dear Reality is Delusion

I’m still here!

Dear REAL Stalker

Dear big shit talker

Dear fat body chalker

I’m still here!

Dear radio show actor

 Dear wife’s fortune benefactor

Dear promise detractor

Im still here!

Dear fake christian

Dear I aint listenin

Dear you wont have a pot to piss in

Im still here!

and it’s important you know that Im not going to stop telling the truth about you

Until you stop telling your lies about me. 

*as most people know, I do love my darling, beautiful sociopath. this poem is not for or about him. while his antisocial behavior causes a plethora of problems for him and his family, I only benefit from knowing him. the narcissist in my life, however, is twice as fucked up and half the man. this poem is for HIM.

Sociopath World: Tone of voice

Sociopath World: Tone of voice: From a reader: I'm about two-thirds into your book and I'm struck by the tone of your writing. It sounds non-judgmental and emoti...

Hope when there was none: FIBBER!

Hope when there was none: FIBBER!: I feel like a fraud.  Rattling on my blog about positive thoughts and feelings, when I  didn't  feel that way inside, I was talki...

PTSD and Memories of Abuse

My grateful thanks to the author...



















PTSD and Memories of Abuse

Deannalynn Arzola: "The Doppelganger Theory"by Deannalynn ArzolaThe...

Deannalynn Arzola:
"The Doppelganger Theory"by Deannalynn Arzola
The...: "The Doppelganger Theory" by Deannalynn Arzola There seem to be a few different meanings attached to the term "...

Deannalynn Arzola: PERPETUAL DESIREWanting you makes no sense to me...

Deannalynn Arzola:
PERPETUAL DESIRE
Wanting you makes no sense to me...: PERPETUAL DESIRE Wanting you makes no sense to me, but the wanting makes a slave of all of my senses. Missing you shakes me to the ver...

Deannalynn Arzola: "The New Normal"So, I guess I've been feeling a l...

Thank god for crazy...

Deannalynn Arzola: "The New Normal"
So, I guess I've been feeling a l...: "The New Normal" So, I guess I've been feeling a little crazy lately with so much time on my hands. Crazy is kind of a do...

Deannalynn Arzola: "We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to oth...

Deannalynn Arzola: "We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to oth...: "We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that in the end, we become disguised to ourselves." -Francois de la Roch...

Deannalynn Arzola: This picture comes to me via Facebook post from A ...

Deannalynn Arzola: This picture comes to me via Facebook post from A ...: This picture comes to me via Facebook post from A Circle of Witches. I think this is amazing because as I have accrued knowledge throughou...

Deannalynn Arzola: Amy sat down to her computer and stared at the bla...

Deannalynn Arzola: Amy sat down to her computer and stared at the bla...: Amy sat down to her computer and stared at the blank screen for too many minutes. She was trying to string her words together carefully, as ...

Deannalynn Arzola: The REAL Why Seems like forever, now, I've been a...

Deannalynn Arzola: The REAL Why

Seems like forever, now, I've been a...: The REAL Why Seems like forever, now, I've been asking myself why. Why do I love you so fucking much? Why am I so compelled to love ...

Deannalynn Arzola: "Winter Walk" Frozen blades of grasscrunch under ...

Deannalynn Arzola: "Winter Walk"
Frozen blades of grasscrunch under ...: "Winter Walk" Frozen blades of grass crunch under my stride as I walk the path set forth for me. The air so frigid, ...

Deannalynn Arzola: I wanted to reiterate my thoughts on addiction......

Deannalynn Arzola: I wanted to reiterate my thoughts on addiction...
...: I wanted to reiterate my thoughts on addiction... If we can partake sparingly, again, we earn the privilege to partake. It is, perhaps a n...

This cute little ditty comes from the blog site, "Sociopath World"; unfortunately anonymous, but truly adored! My thanks to the author...

AnonymousFebruary 15, 2015 at 7:42 PM

It's a world of violence, a world of tears
It's a world of loathe and a world of fears
There's so much that we share that it's time we're aware
It's a small pathological world after all

It's a small pathological world after all
It's a small pathological world after all
It's a small pathological world after all
It's a small, small world

There is just one moon for some night time fun
And a smile means danger to everyone
Though the mountains divide
And you know you can die
It's a small world after all

It's a small pathological world after all
It's a small pathological world after all
It's a small pathological world after all
It's a small, small world

Deannalynn Arzola: My dear girl,I can point out your stories number ...

Deannalynn Arzola: My dear girl,
I can point out your stories number ...: My dear girl, I can point out your stories number by number: 1) You know no one else used his Facebook profile pic to build a profile us...

Deannalynn Arzola: So, I have been doing a considerable amount of res...

Deannalynn Arzola: So, I have been doing a considerable amount of res...: So, I have been doing a considerable amount of research on sociopathy for my current novel about a sociopathic serial killer and the woman...

What you should know about Antisocial Personality Disorder
By Khrystyana Kirton
Edited By Stephanie Dawson
Reviewed By Nima Shei MD

Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a long-standing pattern of a disregard for other people’s rights, often crossing the line and violating those rights. It usually begins in childhood or as a teen and continues into their adult lives. Antisocial personality disorder is often referred to as psychopathy or sociopathy in popular culture.

Individuals with Antisocial Personality Disorder frequently lack empathy and tend to be callous, cynical, and contemptuous of the feelings, rights, and sufferings of others. They may have an inflated and arrogant self-appraisal (e.g., feel that ordinary work is beneath them or lack a realistic concern about their current problems or their future) and may be excessively opinionated, self-assured, or cocky. They may display a glib, superficial charm and can be quite voluble and verbally facile (e.g., using technical terms or jargon that might impress someone who is unfamiliar with the topic). Lack of empathy, inflated self-appraisal, and superficial charm are features that have been commonly included in traditional conceptions of psychopathy and may be particularly distinguishing of Antisocial Personality Disorder in prison or forensic settings where criminal, delinquent, or aggressive acts are likely to be nonspecific. These individuals may also be irresponsible and exploitative in their sexual relationships.

Antisocial personality disorder is diagnosed when a person’s pattern of antisocial behavior has occurred since age 15 although only adults 18 years or older can be diagnosed with this disorder, and consists of the majority of these symptoms:

1. Failure to conform to social norms- with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest
2. Deceitfulness- as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure
3. Impulsivity- or failure to plan ahead
4. Irritability and aggressiveness- as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults
5. Reckless disregard- for safety of self or others
6. Consistent irresponsibility- as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations
7. Lack of remorse- as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another

As with all personality disorders, the person must be at least 18 years old before they can be diagnosed with it. There should also be evidence of Conduct Disorder in the individual as a child, whether or not it was ever formally diagnosed by a professional.

Antisocial personality disorder is more prevalent in males (3 %) versus females (1%) in the general population. Like most personality disorders, antisocial personality disorder typically will decrease in intensity with age, with many people experiencing a few of the most extreme symptoms by the time they are in the 40s or 50s.

Personality disorders such as antisocial personality disorder are typically diagnosed by a trained mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. Family physicians and general practitioners are generally not trained or well-equipped to make this type of psychological diagnosis. Though one can initially consult a family physician about this problem, they should refer one to a mental health professional for diagnosis and treatment. There are no laboratory, blood, or genetic tests that are used to diagnose antisocial personality disorder.

Many people with antisocial personality disorder don’t seek out treatment. People with personality disorders, in general, do not often seek out treatment until the disorder starts to significantly interfere or otherwise impact a person’s life. This most often happens when a person’s coping resources are stretched too thin to deal with stress or other life events.

A diagnosis for antisocial personality disorder is made by a mental health professional comparing symptoms and life history. They will make a determination whether those symptoms meet the criteria necessary for a personality disorder diagnosis.

SOURCES
Antisocial Personality Disorder, Mayo Clinic –
Antisocial Personality Disorder, National Library of Medicine 
Antisocial Personality Disorder, Psychology Today –
Antisocial Personality Disorder Symptoms, WebMD

Deannalynn Arzola: How extreme fear shapes the mindhttp://www.bbc.com...

Deannalynn Arzola: How extreme fear shapes the mindhttp://www.bbc.com...: How extreme fear shapes the mind http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20150205-how-extreme-fear-shapes-the-mind?ocid=global_future_rss

How to Train your Dragon

by Deannalynn Arzola

Sociopathy is a personality disorder born of environment. 
Allow me, please, to dissect the aforementioned statement.
Socio: a word-forming element derived from the Latin word, socius, meaning ally, companion and fellow 
Path: (y-noun) : a combining word derived from the Greek word, pathia, meaning feeling or suffering.
Personality: the combination of characteristics that form an individual's distinctive behavior.
Disorder: a disruption in systematic functioning.
Born: A verb meaning brought into existence.
Environment: the aggregate of surroundings, conditions and influences.

Trust me, I have a very valid reason for performing an autopsy on a seemingly simple definition. First, a little about me; I'm a motherless daughter and a survivor of maternal suicide, paternal physical abuse and what appears to be the step-monster's own warped sociological human experiment on my psyche. While I can certainly say with all honesty that my past has made me stronger, it has also fostered in me my own personality disorders. I have, however, had the opportunity to strengthen my reserve over the years and truly tap into the place, the soul of the little girl and provide her the tools she needs to live with what remains. I'm intuitive, spiritual and intelligent. I love hard when I do love and hope, while it is an evil-double-edged sword, is my religion. 

As usually does happen to me, coincidence, that is, I happened to be doing a considerable amount of research on sociopathy for a book I'm writing, when a sociopath walked into my life. I do not recall ever having known a sociopath before, hence the research, so when, let's call him Quinque blew into my life with charm and intelligence and duplicitously abhorrent and highly risky behavior, I was completely perplexed. And in regards to this relationship, I am the one who asked him out, to which, of course, he obliged, and then he didn't and then he did and then he didn't. In this interim, his subordinate was carrying his baby, unbeknownst to me and most of the world. I realized that many of the characteristics I had been studying for the book were characteristics that Quinque displayed. Here's a for instance: Quinque was in a position of leadership at my job. When I expressed my adoration for him, he responded by leading me up a not so private stairwell at the office and ravaging me with kisses. He was subsequently fired for doing the same thing with some other gals in his charge, including but CERTAINLY not limited to the aforementioned 'baby-mama'. As this was a relatively small office, pretty much everyone knew about Quinque; they had either experienced him or heard of him. When his daughter was born, it was a widely understood notion that he had, in fact, knocked up this gal who worked directly beneath him, even though she was not allowed to publicly confirm it. And here is where I want to draw a few lines...

I am positive that what I am about to say is going to spur a lot of controversy, but I am a writer and words should always spark a conversation, so here goes...

In the almost two years that I have known Quinque, he has been living with the 'baby-mama', so my story is not that of one in which I lived with a monster who destroyed my life and drained my bank account, etc...No, I am one of what I imagine to be, the side chicks. The relationship had for a while only played out in the office. There were these sporadic moments of ecstasy and then long moments of agonizing withdrawal. I watched the investigation into his "sexual harassment" lawsuit unfold right before my very eyes. I watched this drama unfold for the 'baby-mama', as well. Again, small office. I sat and observed her shock in the number of names on the suit, devastation in the subsequent outcome of a thorough investigation; ie, he was fired for sexual misconduct with several women and she still had to come into work everyday. Next, I experienced her denial, bringing their daughter into the office in a very obvious attempt to perpetuate her own myth on everyone else that she and they were a perfectly happy family, and hearing from her best friend what kind of lies he told her to explain away all of the insensitive behavior he'd been caught in the act of, and that this girl believed him. The whole dichotomy was something to see. Then I had to look at my part in that dichotomy. I had loved Quinque from the moment I saw him. By the time I realized that he was sociopathic, I was already in love. Yes, I know, this is what happens, however, the more I saw his damage, the more I loved him. It wasn't the charm, it was the negative behavior that caught my attention first. Upon my own personal diagnosis of my beloved Quinque, I loved him more. And here is why:
Socio: from the very beginning of my interactions with Quinque, he had been advocating on my behalf. He was my greatest ally in that office and he made me want to come to work everyday so that I could 'socialize' with him. He is still my buoy in an angry sea.
Path: while most, if not all sociopaths wear a mask, to me, his suffering was obvious. I easily recognized that the risky, sexual behavior at work was a tool he used to get through his day. No excuses, I think he can control this behavior; there is simply a reason for it.
Personality: Quinque is terrific with words. He is for me, anyway. Let me just say that there is a lot to be said about someone you're in love with telling you what you want to hear. He may be a cad, but he's a charming, handsome, eloquent cad and when I confronted him with his sociopathy, he listened, for forty-five minutes, and never once interrupted me. His response was shock. He accused me of my words not matching my actions, I was in a whirlwind in the midst of this midnight conversation, so I can't remember verbatim, but I told him I loved him but that I knew what he was and that, as I had said all along, knowledge is power and at least with my knowing what this personality is and why it's there would only serve to help me understand him more, and love him more. I am almost certain he did not deny my diagnosis. It took him a month to call me. He was never able to return to work after the investigation which was happening concurrently with my calling him out. That month that I did not see him was the longest period of time without him since I met him, when out of the blue, he wanted to see me. Personality...
Disorder: there was obviously something going on that wasn't purely natural. I have often felt that there was a split in Quinque's psyche at about age eight. There is a very big part of him that remains at that age. And then, it's as if there were an interruption in the adolescent process. The beguiling creature that sprouted from that split certainly is capable of making a woman fall in love with him. He's smart, college educated, he's funny, he's creative; a brilliant writer and a fine actor, he's 6'2"; commanding the greatest presence in the room, as he is almost always the tallest, and the eyes; they are green (a consistent factor in my choosing a mate throughout my life, tall, green eyes) and piercing, and he is investigative by nature, so he knows his people very well and what they need. Say what you will about sociopaths. They still know how to please you better than anyone else on earth.
Born: my sociopath is the quintessential subsequence of his environment. The question of nature versus nurture has long been an interesting debate. The more, however, that we learn about the mind, the more these hypotheses may change. His birth mother chose adoption as Quinque's path in this life. He most certainly has mother and abandonment issues; this I know from my own experience, and thusly recognized the characteristics of having existed in that type of environment. I'm not completely sure what transpired over the next eighteen years, as it is not something he discusses at any great length. I do know that he refers to his adoptive family as his siblings; also a difficult relationship for him to maintain, this I gather from him. I believe some foster care environmental factors come into play, as well. Whether or not his condition is organic or biological in nature is unknown for obvious reasons, but I don't see in him allot of the organic madness I saw in my mother.
Environment: So let's take a look at Webster's definition; the aggregate of surroundings, conditions and influences. Quinque, as we know, is a product of his environment, as are pretty much all of us. His being in that environment was through absolutely no fault of his own. I have come to know through our conversations, that Quinque has changed his environment a few times, one of the many things we share in common, and that he was married to a smart and lovely gal, she's pretty and creative; doesn't seem at all the stereotypical wife of a sociopath, and I shall not digress; I simply mean that she seems very strong and not some type of 'easier prey', or something. His current environment is terribly riddled with all of the ingredients necessary for the sociopathic/dependant relationship. 'Baby mama' is not so strong. I have known her quite personally for two years and have always thought her to be one of the cool chicks. She's sarcastic and abrupt, but in the same vein, she is passive/aggressive, backing down swiftly when confronted with said attitude. She is needlessly overweight and she refuses to accentuate any of her positive attributes. I have witnessed her kowtow to her man in almost every instance, and let me tell you, Quinque is not nice to her in front of any of us. And he's not nice to her, because he doesn't love her, as he can't, and he is no longer in love with her. He has consistently been unfaithful to her throughout their barely two year journey. He says to me that he is not in love with her. Yes, now, here in lies the dilemma of knowingly loving someone with sociopathic behavior. I utilize the 'anything you wanna hear' thing to my advantage, when I need a good strokin', so is he saying he doesn't love her because he thinks that's what I want to hear. It isn't. He is perpetually tethered to this gal via their daughter. I would certainly NOT want him to be in yet, another unhappy relationship. And that's me with my borderline personality. Nevertheless, I have watched their relationship devolve. So now, it's not a good environment for three people.

I have no choice but to deduce his behavior to his environment, both past and present. Has he really been able to change his destructive behavior and simply chosen not to? It's no more of a choice for him to remain sociopathic than it is for me to remain compelled. We are what remains. Are we to just walk away from one another because of our flaws? I am a little crazy. I sure am glad no one's really walked away from me for that. My father walked away from my crazy mother and it cost her her life. Why does all the literature to date advise a no contact declaration in terms of sociopathic personality disorder, when perhaps those of us who love them, our parents, our children, our friends, our partners should rather be advised of the proper tools in handling a loved one with a specific medical condition. I have a friend whose daughter is insulin dependent. His power is about to be shut off for lack of the ability to pay the bill. He asked the power company for a waiver, as his daughter's medication requires refrigeration, and support from his friends in his decision. I would advocate for him to the matts. She has diabetes, a chronic medical condition. Why are the mentally disabled still shunned in our society? These are our people and we're shunning them because they're sick? How's about a manual on how to love the so-called unlovable. How's about since they're the one with the disease, we advocate for them. And yes, it is a disease. The signs to look for in the act of avoidance are plethoric, yet, there are no rules on how to pick up the pieces of a life someone else shattered. You know, this isn't something reserved for the wounded, either. As a society, we absolutely should try to know every person we let into our lives, for them and for us. I have friends that I have loved that have never gotten me at all. They never tried, they just overlooked it, hoping that someday I would simply come to my senses. That, again, is what my father did to my mother. Don't get me started on the number of lives adversely affected by my father's callousness. Talk about a lack of empathy. His ability to practice empathy was ancillary to the person. For his other children conceived with the step-monster, he is apparently highly empathetic; for his mother-in-law, plagued by Alzheimer's disease, not so much. I call that selective empathy. And I am certain I am not the only victim of 'selective empathy disorder', but they never called him crazy...

I resolve never to walk away from a man I love so completely; and because I took the time to learn about his personality, his past, all of him, really, I don't have to. Over the course of twenty-two months, our friendship, relationship, trust and understanding has evolved, not devolved. We have openly discussed our insanities. Lying in bed the other day, he made a joke about the difficulties of mask wearing. We looked at each other and smiled. I felt at that moment that my beloved felt safe with me, allowing him to leave his mask of sanity at the door and just be with me and try to inhale the love I have for him. In fact, all I really have to offer Quinque is my love. And my words. Okay, and my hope and my perseverance, and my friendship and a soft place to land.

Listen, I am keenly aware that the experience gained in dealing with any specific personality or behavior is purely subjective. For me, it's been an amazing experience, I would not have it the other way around. I'm glad that I love him, and I am not too concerned with the possible fallout from that. To me, regardless the outcome, I found myself while living in this process, and it is one of the few relationships I have had that have actually evolved the more we know about one another. If they were progressing, I would still be in them. I remember saying to him once that it seemed to me we were always going backwards to the start from the result. What I mean is that we loved each other immediately and have had to go from there to the beginning. And he does love me. And he loves his daughter. And he has almost never failed to make an effort to advance my agenda, be it work, friend or lover related. And don't think I'm not dealing with a sociopath. I am. I just don't think sociopathy should be regarded as hopeless, as I have benefited considerably from the relationship. 

My point of this article is that anyone can find themselves involved with loved ones with personality or chronic medical disorders. I am hard pressed to find advice on how to NOT walk away. Considering that four percent of the population suffers from an anti-social personality, alone, one might think there might be some more literature, tools, advice on how to succeed. Where is the science on how to stay with your children, your parents, your partners? I'm sorry if it should seem that I am tilting at windmills, but that's a lot of people left behind and I'm not cool with that and neither should society be.

*Thanks to Sara McLachlan for the album cover

*As always, thank you to the aurhor

DECEMBER 10, 2013 by DR. NIMA SHEI

10 Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder

10 Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health disorder that generates significant emotional instability. This can lead to a variety of other stressful mental and behavioral problems.
With borderline personality disorder, a person may have a severely distorted self-image and feel worthless and fundamentally flawed. Anger, impulsiveness, and frequent mood swings may push others away, even though they may desire to have loving and lasting relationships.

If you or someone you know have borderline personality disorder, don’t get discouraged. Many people with this disorder get better with treatment and can live satisfying lives.

Borderline personality disorder affects how a person feels about themselves, how they relate to others, and their behavior.

Signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder may include:

1. Impulsive and risky behavior, such as risky driving, unsafe sex, gambling sprees, or illegal drug use
2. Awareness of destructive behavior, including self-injury, while often feeling unable to change it
3. Wide mood swings
4. Short but intense episodes of anxiety or depression
5. Inappropriate anger and antagonistic behavior, sometimes escalating into physical fights
6. Difficulty controlling emotions or impulses
7. Suicidal behavior
8. Feeling misunderstood, neglected, alone, empty, or hopeless
9. Fear of being alone
10. Feelings of self-hate and/or self-loathing

As with other mental disorders, the causes of borderline personality disorder aren’t fully understood. Experts agree, though that the disorder results from a combination of factors. Factors that seem likely to play a role include:
* Genetics- Some studies of twins and families suggest that personality disorders may be inherited or strongly associated with other mental disorders among family members.
* Environmental factors- Many people with borderline personality disorder have a history of childhood abuse, neglect and separation from caregivers or loved ones.
* Brain abnormalities- Some research has shown changes in certain areas of the brain involved in emotion regulation, impulsivity and aggression. In addition, certain brain chemicals that help regulate mood, such as serotonin, may not function properly.

With borderline personality disorder, a person often has an insecure sense of who they are. Their self-image, self-identity, or sense of self often rapidly changes. They may view themselves as evil or bad, and sometimes may feel as though they don’t exist at all. An unstable self-image often leads to frequent changes in jobs, friendships, goals and values.

Their relationships are usually in turmoil. They may idealize someone one moment and then abruptly and dramatically shift to fury and hate over perceived slights or even minor misunderstandings. This is because people with borderline personality disorder often have difficulty accepting gray areas — things seem to be either black or white.

If you’re aware that you have any of the signs or symptoms above, talk to your doctor or a mental health provider. Proper treatment can help you feel better about yourself and help you live a more stable, rewarding life.

If you notice signs or symptoms in a family member or friend, talk to that person about seeing a doctor or mental health provider. Remember you can’t force someone to seek help. If the relationship causes you significant stress, you may find it helpful to see a therapist yourself.

10 Signs of Borderline Personality DisorderBy Khrystyana Kirton
Edited by Stephanie Dawson
Reviewed by Nima Shei MD

An amazing plea from the soul of a person with Borderline Personality Disorder:
#HearOurCry
-Deannalynn Arzola
*Thanks to the author

Deannalynn Arzola: "The Travel Agent, the Sticky-note and the Sociop...

Deannalynn Arzola: "The Travel Agent, the Sticky-note  and the Sociop...: "The Travel Agent, the Sticky-note  and the Sociopath" by Deannalynn Arzola Have you ever felt so compelled to adjoin your...

Always bearing in mind that sociopathy is a personality disorder and not leprosy, I know that my beloved is beautifully flawed. And in regards to this lovely photo by Amy Allen, when everything is hurting, it is my beloved sociopathic baby boy (NOT Mr. Picture-of-Sanity) who is BY FAR the lesser hurt. For it is him I choose to run to when I'm reeling from the  people who inhabit planet "normal". 
I love you, Montana. I know I don't say that enough as I'm under the misguided belief that you don't know what I mean when I say it. I love you for being my most magnificent magician and for being the most normal person I know. You're perfect. We know who we are, my consecrated-by-you-boudoir is a mask free zone, in your presence, I can finally exhale, and sometimes being without you hurts more than being with him can masquerade. In my life, loving you IS what hurts least.

There are people in the world who don’t care about love, who feel no remorse, empathy or emotional attachment to others. In fact, they don’t even know what these feelings are. These people are called sociopaths. Most of us think of sociopaths as deranged serial killers, but, with four percent of the population having sociopathic character traits, most of them never physically harm anyone. Sociopaths do, however, ruin lives, empty bank accounts, and cause untold emotional trauma, with the simple excuse that they just don’t care.

Even though most sociopaths never kill anyone, they are social predators who exploit just about everyone they meet. They have no heart, no conscience and no remorse. Needless to say, this is not the kind of person you want to open your heart to. But sociopaths have impressive social skills, thereby making them extremely hard to spot. They are charming, funny and exciting. This is why we need to be aware. You’ll never be able to cure a sociopath or help him see the error of his ways because he doesn’t see the world as the rest of us do. The only thing you can do, is save yourself and walk, no, run away as fast as possible. If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.

1. Charisma and charm. He’s a smooth talker, always has an answer, never misses a beat. He seems to be very exciting. His manners are impeccable — he’s well groomed and fulfills the codes of romance and courtship to a tee. He’s likely to be an eloquent talker who laces his speech with impressive sounding facts and figures.

2. Enormous ego. He acts like the smartest, richest or most successful person in the room. He may actually come out and tell you that.

3. Overly attentive. He calls, texts and e-mails constantly. He wants to be with you every moment and resents any time you spend with your family and  friends.

4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute he loves you, the next minute he hates you. His personality changes like the flipping of a switch.

5. A blamer. Nothing is ever his fault. He always has an excuse. Someone else is alwaysthe cause of his problems.

6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. He tells stupid, outrageous lies when he’d make out better telling the truth. If you probe deeper, you’ll find that his stories never quite add up.

7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare, but if you get a chill down your spine when he looks at you (and not the good kind), pay attention.

8. Fast moving. He quickly proclaims that you’re his true love and soul mate. He wants to move in together or get married quickly.

9. Pity play. He appeals to your sympathy. He wants you to feel sorry for his abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.

10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be the excess testosterone that sociopaths possess.

Donna Andersen is the author of Red Flags of a Love Fraud: 10 Signs You’re Dating a Sociopath, based on her own experiences and 3,000 other cases collected from readers of her blog. 

Playing the Game: Wanna play with me? Relationships with Sociopaths...

*Thank you to the author.



Playing the Game: Wanna play with me? Relationships with Sociopaths...: LIKE MOST THINGS IN LIFE,  RELATIONSHIPS WITH SOCIOPATHS HAVE  PROS & CONS: PROS  Sociopaths are wonderful friends because:  ...

Deannalynn Arzola: In regards to being in love with an illusion...I...

Deannalynn Arzola: In regards to being in love with an illusion...

I...: In regards to being in love with an illusion... I have been in love with an illusion for about forty years. Here is my beautiful illusio...